Sometimes we hesitate to share a good moment when life is difficult. We’ve enjoyed an afternoon, laughed with someone or felt pleased about something small. Then we wonder whether saying so will make the rest harder to explain.
Will people think we’re doing better than we are? Will the next difficult day seem less believable because they saw us enjoying this one?
A photograph of us smiling can become a surprisingly large claim about how we are.
Sometimes that comes from other people. “But you seemed fine yesterday.” Sometimes we do it to ourselves. If I can appreciate what I have, why am I still finding things so hard?
I don’t think a moment of enjoyment can answer every question about someone’s life. A good conversation might ease the loneliness for a while. A song might reach us on a day when very little else does. We might feel thankful for the person beside us and still be exhausted, grieving or worried about what happens next.
There is something lovely about noticing what we would otherwise pass by. I just get uneasy when gratitude becomes a reason we shouldn’t need anything else.
You have people who love you. You have a roof over your head. Look at everything you’ve got.
We may know. We may appreciate those things deeply. There may also be something painful that still needs attention.
Even our own gratitude can become another way of telling ourselves off: I ought to be happier than this. Other people have it worse. Perhaps I’m asking too much.
I’d like to be able to say, “That was lovely,” without having to turn it into a report on my recovery. And to say, “I’m finding this hard,” without having to account for every good thing in my life first.
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fellow traveller, not guru